Things I’ve said to my kids

I’ve seen these lists before. It never fails to amaze me how mothers all over the world say things they never thought they’d utter. I’m also impressed at how each time, the sentences are different. There is an endless supply of wacky, surreal and unexpected situations presented to us by our children. These warrant replies in kind. Such as:

DO NOT eat poo

Don’t sit on your brother’s head.

If you spit in his face one more time, I will have to put you in time out.

That’s it! The toy is going over the hill (we live on a ridge, and over the hill to the side of our house is nothing but brush and bramble)

Please stop putting dirt down Max’s shirt (diaper subsequently filled with a mixture of soil, urine and poo.)

Don’t eat off the floor! And if you’re gonna eat of the floor, don’t lick the floor

Off the Television set!

Put the scissors down! .... (To the 2 year old – he robbed kitchen shears from the dishwasher tray next to me and ran)

It is NOT ninja time

Don’t wipe your nose on the sofa cushion

Don’t eat paper clips

Don’t feed him play-doh

No, you can’t drive


I'd like a laugh - Tell me some of yours!