Thursday, February 3, 2011

Things I’ve said to my kids

I’ve seen these lists before. It never fails to amaze me how mothers all over the world say things they never thought they’d utter. I’m also impressed at how each time, the sentences are different. There is an endless supply of wacky, surreal and unexpected situations presented to us by our children. These warrant replies in kind. Such as:

DO NOT eat poo

Don’t sit on your brother’s head.

If you spit in his face one more time, I will have to put you in time out.

That’s it! The toy is going over the hill (we live on a ridge, and over the hill to the side of our house is nothing but brush and bramble)

Please stop putting dirt down Max’s shirt (diaper subsequently filled with a mixture of soil, urine and poo.)

Don’t eat off the floor! And if you’re gonna eat of the floor, don’t lick the floor

Off the Television set!

Put the scissors down! .... (To the 2 year old – he robbed kitchen shears from the dishwasher tray next to me and ran)

It is NOT ninja time

Don’t wipe your nose on the sofa cushion

Don’t eat paper clips

Don’t feed him play-doh

No, you can’t drive

I'd like a laugh - Tell me some of yours! 


  1. Please don't climb all over me; I'm not a jungle gym! (usually when I'm watching TV or am on the phone).

    Stop licking the cat!

  2. Don't staple your lips.
    Stop licking the floor (lots of licking, I see)!
    You can't fly.
    Stop poking yourself in the eye.
    One more time, and I'm throwing the Batcave in the snow! (I see we have similar parenting techinques- you have the hill. We have 6 feet of snow). Forever.

  3. Re: "Don't staple your lips" - I hope that ended well Re: "batman cave over the hill" - I'm glad I'm not the only one threaten to launch toys over hedges, etc. Everyone comments on the tiger mother book like, ooo isn't she vicious threatening to throw the dollhouse away if the girl doesn't practice and I'm like, big deal.

  4. I have also told my toddler to put the scissors down.
    Also, don't sit on the dogs head and bounce up and down.
    Don't throw your breakfast ON the dogs at least throw it on the floor so they can eat it.
    Don't dance ON the table.
    Don't put your hands in the toilet.
    I could probably go on for a while but I think I'll stop here.

  5. You can't poo at the same time. there is only one toilet.
    Right, i'm giving it to the chickens, then (no snow or ditches here)
    chewing and spitting it is NOT eating.
    Duvets are not stair sledges.
    How do you know what feathers taste like?
    Right, that's it, i'm DELETING TOY STORY!
    Leave your willy alone.
    Leave your willy alone.
    Leave your willy alone.

  6. Please pull up your pants
    Please pull up your trousers
    Leave your willy alone
    Leave your willy alone
    Is that snot you just wiped on me?

  7. there are definitely some these emerging here...

  8. If you fall off that wall and break a leg, dont come running to me...


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